mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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