Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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