I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
