I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
