Banned from zoo.
Again?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
