She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
