Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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