I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
