And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
