pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
