who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
