How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
