Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
