Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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