About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
