it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
