C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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