Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
