Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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