I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
pray to the hookup gods
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
