you have to choose: penises or morals?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
