i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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