drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
