So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
