I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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