i wish my penis had a tongue
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
