That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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