Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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