Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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