He told me they were just razor bumps!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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