Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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