cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
