jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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