I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
