ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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