May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
