I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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