I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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