Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you would pick up someone in the library
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
