Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
