Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
