She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
