Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
