The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The feeling are messing with the penis
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
