I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
