I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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