I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
