3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
