how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
