i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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