You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
