i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
