she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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