But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
