While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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