he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
