i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
