please come you make the beer taste better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
