Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
