It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it's not cheating when I paid for it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
