Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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