You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
