Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
