i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
