You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize