yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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