Did you just see the Batmobile???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
