you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
