at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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