that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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