Umm I'm too high to move.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
