I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
