It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
