The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
